Coffee and Chocolate
by CillaBear101
Summary: waycest, Mikey is sick, and Gerard is there, what will they both do if he dies? sorry, suck at summaries, but i hope you guys enjoy :
1. strange happenings

Mikey's P.O.V

i was practicing my bass when i heard the front door slam and someone run down to the basement and slam another door. the basement was Gerard's room, so i assumed it was him.

i hadnt talked to him in a few weeks, not since he started dating that one guy. not like i was jealous or anything, i just wished he would spend some time with me again.

i realized i had stopped playing and i started again, when i heard a little cry of pain.

we were the only ones home.

i put my bass down and ran to Gee's room i stopped at the door and took a deep breath. i knocked and i heard the tinkling of metal on cement. "W-who is it?" _who do you think it is retard_? "Its me bro, are you ok?" i heard him sniffle, but he said nothing.

i sighed, why do i even waste my time? "Well, im in my room if you need me." i called thru the door, starting to walk away, when his door opened a crack and he peeked out, his eyeliner ran down his face from the tears, his eyes red, his face paler than usual. it hurt to see him like this.

"Are... are you ok?" i asked in a whisper, my own eyes tearing up. "Can i talk to you?" he asked, looking down. "Y-yeah, of course!" i said. he opened the door a little wider and i went in.

it had been forever since i had been down here, the walls were covered in his drawings, pictures of us still hung on his mirror, the sheets were messy, clothes and candy bars littered the floor. i noticed little red drops on the floor, next to a blade. i turn to see he had cut himself.

"Gee! why would you do that?" i asked, running over and hugging him. "H-He broke up with me! i slept with him and he broke up with me!" he was crying again, sobbing into my shoulder. "Shh, its ok Gee, you dont need him, shh." i said leading him to the bed. we sat and he told me what happened.

they had skipped school and Darren (his ex) seduced him and Gee gave in, they had sex, then Darren told him he didnt want him anymore, that he was done with him.

Gee was crying so hard, gripping his hair, shaking like a leaf. i felt horrible "Gee, fuck him! you dont need him, your a great looking guy, im sure you will find someone else who loves you! you know i love you right?" i asked. he looked into my eyes and nodded. i pulled him into a hug, he nestled his face in my neck. "I love you Gee, im sorry i havent really talked to you, i didnt think you wanted to-" i was saying when he started kissing my neck.

i froze, what was he doing? his lips were traveling up, stopping just next to my lips. "I love you too Mikey..." he whispered and kissed me. i literally couldnt move. his hands moved into my hair and his tongue traced my lower lip, begging for an entrance. and i actually opened my mouth a little, his tongue snaking in, playing with mine.

_what am i doing_? why am i kissing my own _brother_? why was he kissing _me_? _WHY AM I LIKEING IT? _he pulled away and started to suck on my neck, i whimpered a little, my breathing was almost panting, and i was still frozen. he gently pushed me down on his bed and he climbed ontop of me, sucking on my jaw. i started to feel an umcomfortable pressure in my pants. _omg, im hard_. i pushed him off and ran out of the room and went to mine, slamming the door. i could hear him crying again.

wtf?

why did i do that? why did i let him do that? why the fuck am i still hard? why did it feel good? why was i mad that i ran off? ok, this boner is seriously begging for some attention. so i undid my pants and started to touch myself when my door opened and Gerard came in. "Mikey im, sor-" he was saying till he saw what i was doing.

we were both frozen.

then he walked over to me and replaced my hand with his. he started to stroke me and i let out a little moan. "Do you like it when i touch you?" he whispered, lust in his eyes. i couldnt answer, i just lost myself to his touch. he got on his knees and put me in his mouth. i moaned loud, god his mouth was so _warm_! he took me down his throat, groaning onto my dick.

my shaking hand wound itself into his hair, gripping a fist full of it. it wasnt long till i came down his throat, he actually swallowed it. he got up and looked into my eyes. what was happening here? he kissed me and i kissed him back. "I love you Mikey..." he whispered and left.

i didnt come out of my room again that night, not even for dinner. what is going on with me?

the next day i woke up to a touch. i opened my eyes to see Gerard sitting at the foot of my bed. "Hey..." i whispered. "Hey..." he whispered back, smiling at me. i got up and sat next to him. "Gee, im sorry about yesterday, i-" i was saying, but he kissed me.

i kissed him back, loving the feel of his tongue on mine. i crawled ontop of him, feeling his hardness, so i grinded him. he moaned into my mouth and kissed me harder. i bit his bottom lip, sucking on it for a second, then kissed him again. "Boys? are you ready to go?" our mom asked from downstairs.

i jumped off of him, falling onto the floor.

"Almost mom, Mikey still needs to wake up." Gee called back, closing and locking my door. he went over to help me up, but i shoved him on the bed and pulled his pants down. "M-mikey, you dont need to, i can take care of it." he said, tho i knew he just said it to make me feel better. i smirked up at him, licking his head.

he trembled.

i shoved him in my mouth and he sucked in a deep breath. i was hard now too. i was sucking on him hard, i could taste the pre-cum. i was touching myself too, he suddenly shot into my mouth, and it tasted as bad as i thought. i swallowed it though and then i came all over my hand. he sat there, panting, then he kissed me, "Thanks Mikey, i love you." he whispered, kissing me again.

we got dressed and went downstairs. our mom was still doing her hair, "What took you so long?" she asked me "I didnt really sleep well last night, im tired." i said. she looked me over and for a minute i was scared. why was she looking at me like that? did she know? i could feel my hands get sweaty and my eyes were wide.

she just brushed off some lint and walked away. i let out a sigh of relief and walked after her. Gerard came and held my hand as we walked to the car. why did i like that? i sat in the back and he slid in next to me. "Dont you want to sit in the front Gerard?" mom asked. "Naw im good." "How about you Mikey?" "No thanks." she looked confused, we usually fought for shotgun, but she shrugged and started the car. i was still holding Gee's hand, his thumb tracing little circles on mine.

wat was going on with us? why are we doing this? why does it feel so right? he's my brother for cryin out loud! i loved him! but was i _in_ love with him? i never thought id be incestuous, but hey, theres a first for everything!

"So Gerard, how are you and Darren?" mom asked, and i could feel him tense. then he started to cry. i pulled him to me, letting him cry into my shoulder. "What did i say?" she seemed belwildered. fury ran thru me and i said "Just drop it mom! jeez, dont you get the fuckin hint?" "Michael!" she snapped, "i said DROP IT!" i snapped back. "Guys! please dont fight! i-i cant... i just-" Gee was saying and i held him closer, whispering "Its ok babe, let it out." did i just call my brother _babe_? he snuggled closer to me, letting more tears fall.

"Michael, we are going to talk about this." mom said, not affected by Gerard's tears. "Whatever." i said, still holding Gee. we were on our way to Frank's house, our parents were always really close. we were almost there actually, and i could tell Gerard was making a visible attempt to control himself. he pulled away, wiping his eyes and tried to fix his eyeliner.

he looked at me with warm eyes and mouthed the words "Thank you." and i mouthed back "I love you." he smiled abit and said "ditto" "What?" our mother asked, he had said it out loud. "Nothing, just thinking out loud." he mummbled shrinking into his seat.

Frank waited for us outside and when Gee and i got out of the car holding hands, his eyes went wide and a large grin crept onto his face. Oh my God, did he know? how did he know? was he going to tell? was he gonna hold it over our heads? "Hey Mikey! watsup?" he said, glancing up at Gee, who was blushing like crazy. "Nothing." i whispered and let go of Gee's hand. "No, no, no! share the brotherly love!" he mocked with a giggle, Gerard punched his arm.

"Ow! jeez, i was kidding! 'sides, im happy for you." Frank said to him. i looked at Gee with confusion, but he refused to look at me. "So how are you and watshisface?" Frank asked. "We broke up." Gee said, holding back tears. "Figured, he called me hystarically crying-" "Frank," Gee interupted, but he went on, "saying that you didnt want him anymore-" "Frank!" Gee tried again, but was ignored "that you fucked him and told him it was over. did you finally realize that you wanted Mikey more than-" "SHUT THE FUCK UP FRANK!" Gerard snapped, nearly pushing him off the Porch.

and i wanted to die.

Gee lied to me, he told me the complete opposite, just to get with me? i looked at my feet, trying to think, but i couldnt, not with this hurt killing me slowly. "Mikey... im sor-" but i took off, running as fast as i could. "Mikey!" i heard them yell after me, but i didnt want to go back.

he tricked me, he tricked me into doing those things with him, omg what have i done? i sucked off my own brother! i let him suck me off! i even told him i loved him less than five minutes ago. i stopped running in the middle of the street. i felt like dying. my phone buzzed and i checked it, it was a text from Gerard saying

_**'Mikey im sorry! please come back, i need you!' **_

__i didnt care if he needed me, that was probably a lie too. i didnt even realize i had sunken to my knees. why was i so stupid? then i got a text from Frank saying

_**'Mikes, c'mon dude, we can talk about this.'**_

a loud honk made me realize i was still in the middle of the street. i got up and walked into an alleyway. i didnt even know where i was, i knew i was farther than i thought, none of these streets looked familiar, and i was hanging out in alleyways, not the smartest thing to do in Jersey. i got a text from Gee,

_**'please at least tell me where you are!'**_

then one from Frank,

_**'Mikey, seriously, come back, or tell us where you are, we are worried.'**_

i just shoved the phone back into my pocket and walked out of an alley and into a busy street. i saw a small coffee shop across the street so i went in. i went to the back and sat at a small booth next to the window. i kept getting texts from them saying

_**'please, where are you?' **_

_**'dude, your scarin us' **_

_**'Mikey! stop it and just tell me!' **_

_**'thats it, we are callin the cops.'**_

i almost wanted to write back and say

_**'and tell them what? that i ran away cuz i fell for my brother and let him touch me and now he's worried i wont come home and let him do it again?'**_

but i knew that they probably wouldnt find me, so i just put my phone back down. suddenly, a waitress came and handed me a cup of coffee. i was going to tell her i didnt order anything when she said "As stupid as this sounds, the guy at the register sent this for you, its apparently on the house." she rolled her eyes and set it down.

i looked and saw Ray. he waved, but looked really concerned. i gave a halfassed wave back and took a sip of my coffee, too much sugar and too much cream with a touch of carmel, just the way i liked it. from the corner of my eye i could see him taking his apron off and walk to me.

"Hey there Mikes! wats up?" he sounded concerned too. "Did you know too?" i couldnt help but ask, "Bout wat?" "Bout Gerard's secret?" he looked confused for a minute, then it hit him. "Oh... that..." "Yeah, _that_." "How did you find out?" i told him everything and he was staring at his hands.

"So how long have you known?" i finally asked him. "Eh... awhile..." "And you couldnt tell me?" "He made us swear not to tell!" "_Us_? who all is _Us_?" "Me Frank and Bob..." i gripped my hair hard, trying not to scream, i felt sick. "Mikey, im really sorry, you know i wouldnt keep it from you unless i had a real reason." "What. Was. The. _Real_. Reason?" i snarled thru my teeth.

"Gerard wanted to tell you! he made us swear to God, he wanted to tell you himself, but he knew you wouldnt accept it, so he started dating Darren. Mikes, he totally loves you." my head was spinning, i felt so dizzy, i couldnt breathe, i could feel my pulse in my temples.

i got up and tried to leave, but i collapsed. "Mikey! Mikey are you ok?" i heard Ray ask, but with each word he faded out till i was in blackness.


	2. finding out

Mikey's P.O.V

i woke up in a hospital with Ray, Bob, Frank sitting around me.

"Sleeping beauty awakes." Bob said with a smile. "How long?" "Eh, maybe a day, you were out for-" "No you dipshit, how long did you guys know?" "About wha- oh that..." frank asked and they all looked down at the same time.

"They've known for 394 days" i heard a voice from the door. i looked and saw Gerard standing there, face tearstained and eyes a scary shade of red. "Why didnt you tell me?" i demanded.

"How am i supposed to tell my little brother that im in love with him? how could i do that when one, he's straight, two, he's young, and three, he's my _brother_?

Mikey, i was scared! i love you Mikey, i love you way more than a regular brother should. i want to be with you, and i want you to want to be with me. the only reason i started dating Darren was because i knew i couldnt have you, because i knew you would never want me the same way i want you.

when i finally was _with_ him with him, i realized that i didnt _want_ to be with him, that i wanted you. i would rather rot in jail than be away from you, i would rather spend my days alone, i would rather die than not tell you how i feel, so im telling you Mikey.

Im in love with you, and i want you to know that im here for you as a brother and if you want, we could be so much more." he finally finished.

i kept staring at him in awe, that was the sweetest thing ever.

i had completely forgotten the others when finally Ray spoke up and said "Well, i got to work here in a bit, guys if you wanna-" "Yeah! yeah, lets um-" "Go, lets just go." Frank and Bob said and the three made their escape.

Gerard still stood at the door, waiting for my response, so i said "Shut the door and come here, cuz this isnt meant for the world to hear." he obeyed and walked over to me.

i grabbed his wrist and pulled him down, my other hand gripping his hair when it came close enough, and i kissed him hard. he froze for less than a fraction of a split second, then he kissed back. our tongues fought for first entry, and i finally gave in and let him in.

we explored every millimeter of each others mouths, our breathing panting, our hands caressing what we touched. i didnt want to stop, but i knew he had to hear the words, so i pulled away.

he stayed close to my face, his beautiful eyes burned deep into mine and i whispered "These feelings are new to me Gee, but baby, i _want_ to be yours. i want it to be just _us_ forever. i love you Gee, i love you." his eyes sparkled with joy and tears.

he kissed me again, only gently this time, full of love. we kissed for a long time, when he stared to kiss and suck on my neck. i moaned out a little, clutching him closer, then he was biting. "F-fucking vampire." i mummbled and moaned.

he pulled away suddenly and i groaned in disapointment, but he smirked and winked just as the door opened and our parents came in. "Michael! oh thank goodness, we thought you were in shock!" "I think i was." "Nonsense! when they told us about the lucimia, we thought you were a goner!" "Naw i just... wait, wat did you just say?" i said at the same time Gerard went pale and said "What?"

our parents looked at each other and said, "sweetheart, you have lucimia, they found it when you came in. but dont worry, we saved some of your stemcells and it will help you!" everything was getting blurry again.

No...

No that couldnt be...

not when i was finally happy, not when i finally found the truth. i felt Gee's hand in mine and i brought it to my heart, then passed out again. i woke in the dim light of yet another hospital room. it was dark outside and i could hear a faint crying near me. i looked to find Gee, still holding my hand, pressing it to his heart, and crying as softly as his sobbing would allow.

"Gee..." i whispered and his head snapped up "Mikey! Mikey baby how are you feeling? are you ok?" he asked in a jumbled mess of words. i pulled him to me and cried too. he kept whispering "i love you mikey! you'll make it, you _will_ make it!" i realized i was in the permenant side of the hospital, this was my new room, until i got better anyway. no one but us were here.

i got up on shaky legs and locked the door. i turned to him and i knew he knew what i was thinking. he gently took my shirt off and marveled at my bare skin. i tugged his shirt off too and he grabbed my waist and pulled me close, kissing me softly. i pulled back a tiny bit and said, "Make love to me Gerard. Make me yours." "Mikey, i want you too make me yours too, so that if you dont... if you dont... so we will always be together." he said and kissed my neck, his lips hard and hungry.

i pressed myself to him hard, i wasnt sure what to do, i was still kinda a virgin, but he seemed to be taking over. he undid my jeans and pushed me down on the bed as gently he could. i was left in my boxers and i reached out and pulled his pants off, along with his boxers and i was left staring at his huge hardness.

i stroked it softly and he moaned quietly. he pulled off my boxers and we both lied down on the bed, our bodies close, our hardness rubbing together, making us moan into each others mouths. suddenly he got on top and a finger sneaked between my legs.

"Ow..." i muttered, i didnt mean to say it, but it kinda hurt. his finger was gently pumping, feeling better and better, then he slipped another finger in, i could feel myself stretching and i winced a little, it hurt, but it felt so good. he was slowly going faster and faster, the lust deepening in his eyes as he finger fucked me till i was moaning loud and gripping the sheets.

he was at three fingers now, slamming his hand into me, and goddamnit, it felt great, pre-cum was leaking from my head. "Are you ready?" he asked as his fingers started to slow down. i nodded, my breathing was panting. i opened my legs wider and his fingers stretched in me, making my hole bigger for him. he was huge, so fitting in me was a little harder than he thought, but he finally shoved himself in me and i bit down on my hand, trying not to scream from how good it felt.

he stayed still for a minute, letting me cherish his dick in me, and then very very slowly stared to pump. "Ah ah ah oh ooh G-Gee... F-F-Fuck me!" i couldnt seem to control the stuttering. "Mikey, baby, just enjoy it, just let me fuck you right. let me make love to you." he whispered back, going deeper. i whimpered in pleasure and clamped myself closer to him.

he was still going slow, but was gradually going faster. he also started to stroke me. i was surprised at how sensitive i was, his fingers could probably feel my heart beat. i was shaking as his hand gently glided over my shaft. then, quite literally out of nowhere, he slammed himself into me, making me almost cry out in pleasure.

his head hit a spot that literally left me weak with pleasure and i figured it was my sweet spot. he seemed to notice and slammed into me again, his head hitting that spot, making me tremble. "Did i find it?" he whispered/purred silkily, "Y-yeah..." i whispered/choked back. "Good..." he purred and started going deeper, and now it was more than his head rubbing that spot, my nails dug into his skin and i growled in pleasure. "Thats so hot." he said and i growled involuntarily again.

he was going fast and deep, making my eyes roll back. he grabbed my hardness again and started to pump in time with his fucking. Dear God, this felt so good it should be a sin. then i remembered it kinda was, but i didnt care, i loved Gerard, and i wanted this. he started pumping me faster and faster, i could feel myself stiffening, i was seconds from cumming, and i could feel him stiffen too, rocking into me so hard i knew he was close too.

i was trying to hold it back and let myself be fucked longer, but i knew he was close to his point and i sure as hell was about to explode. then i hit my point, shooting cum into the air and it landed on my chest and stomach. and when i hit my orgasm, i tightened and he shot deep inside of me. he stayed there for a second, filling me with his seed, and then pulled out very very slowly and the pad of his thumb massaged my hole and he kissed me, then he crawled down and kissed my hole and licked it a little, knowing it was still sensitive.

when he finally crawled up to me, he collasped and held me close. i was gasping as i said "That" _gasp_ "Was" _gasp_ "Amazing." he held me closer and said "Thank you Mikey, for giving yourself to me, for letting me make love to you, thank you." "I love you Gee." "I love you too Mikes." he said and we drifted to sleep.


	3. passing

Mikey's P.O.V

Weeks went by and i was getting weaker. i had lost at least 30 pounds and everytime i ate, i would just throw it up. they had me hooked to an IV, feeding me fluids so i wouldnt get dehydrated.

Gee never left my side, he would always tell me encouraging things, but he and i both knew i was dying, and no one could stop it. they were having trouble finding my stemcells, so it seemed that wasnt an option anymore. sometimes i would wake up to the sound of Gee crying.

we both pretended that he wasnt scared, but we knew that he was more scared than me. whenever he would say "Hey Mikes! looks like you held that down for a few extra minutes! your getting better!" we both knew he meant "i love you and your dying, and i cant help you. i hate this."

before i started to lose lots of weight and get really sick, we made love every night. i rocked his world and he rocked mine, till i started bruising and getting sore. we had joked that it was us fucking too hard, but turns out it was because i was deteriorating. so he wouldnt fuck me, but he would suck me, till i started to sleep for days on end. so now we would sometimes touch each other, but i would always end up too tired to finish him off. he said it didnt bother him, but it bothered me.

it wasnt fair.

he deserved to be with someone who wasnt dying, who could make love to him, who could at least finish a fucking handjob for him, and i told him this once, in turn he said "No, you deserve someone strong, who can help you and love you right who can be the man you need, not me." "Are you breaking up with me?" i had asked "No! no Mikey, never! but im letting you know, if anyone needs someone better, its you."

he was helping me shower right now, he was gently rubbing circles into my back with some soap and then he started to wash my hair. "Guess what Mikey?" he said excitedly "What?" i asked in a weak voice that made him flinch "you ate thirty minutes ago... and you havent thrown it up yet..." my eyebrows furrowed, that was a long time. "Really?" "Yup!" i smiled a little and said "Thats cool." "Thats great! see? you are gonna be ok!" i smiled wider, but i knew he was just trying to make me feel better.

"And," he went on "I think that deserves some kind of reward..." he got down and licked my dick.

sick or not, i was hard in a second.

"Gee, you dont have to-" "Mikey, shut up." he said playfully and stuck me in his mouth. i almost fell from how good it felt. he kept going and i leaned on the wall for support. i finished quicker than i thought i would have and he swallowed my release. he finished helping me shower then towelled me off.

he helped me into some sweat pants and a longsleeved shirt that used to be too tight, but was now three sizes too big. i was cold all the time, being so skinny and all. i still hadnt puked, and hope filled me. i thought i was hopeful all the time, but feeling it now made me realize i had lost it for, well, awhile. Gee helped me into bed and he sat down next to me.

our mother waked in with a bag of something. "Michael! i brought you something!" "I can see that." "I know he will make you feel better!" she sounded as excited as Gee had in the shower and i realized it must take alot of energy to make them sound this way. i smiled anyway and she pulled out Sparkles, my stuffed unicorn.

i smiled big and reached for him. he felt softer than i remembered and i hugged him close "Thanks mom." i smiled at her and she sat at the foot of my bed. "Wheres dad?" i asked and i saw her struggle to keep the same happy face, as well as Gerard. "He had to work late again, he said he will try to stop by, but he's been so tired lately, you know how they work him." she said, but i knew what that meant

"He doesnt want to see me." i said aloud.

"Oh No Michael! he would love to-" Mom started to say when Gee said "No he doesnt, he's having a hard time." "Gerard!" my mother snapped at him but i said "Just tell me the truth mom, he's just waiting for me to die so he can pay for everything and get back to what he has to do." i said not looking at them, just playing with Sparkle's tail. i heard her start to cry and Gee said "Your not going to die Mikey, its been an hour and you havent puked! and you ate a really big meal!"

i looked up at him with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face and said "Gee, im going to die. there is nothing anyone can do for me, but its ok, when i go, i know i can count on you to hold things together, i know you will be a great artist with his own line of paints and pencils, and mom will stop cooking stroganoff cuz she knows you hate it and only i liked it, and maybe i will even see Ganma Elie. its gonna be ok."

he broke down into tears, crying so hard he couldnt breathe. i pulled him into a hug and cried with him, not as hard, but at least i cried. mom was crying hard too, shaking at my feet. i could feel my stomach start to ache and the familiar acid in my throat, so i pushed Gee away and grabbed the bucket next to my bed and hurlled. i threw everything up, dry heaving for a few minutes. Gee was rubbing my back as i puked, whispering soothing things, and mom was crying harder.

after i was done, i settled into bed and Gee went to dump and clean the bucket. "I-i h-have to go, i l-love you sweetie." mom said, kissing my forehead and nearly ran from the room. she didnt bother asking Gee if he was going to go with her, he never left.

i could hear the water going and i stood to go see Gee. when i walked in, he was sitting on the toilet with his arm exposed, a blade in hand, and blood on the floor. he didnt see me and was muttering "Its not enough! its just not enough!"

i collapsed to my knees and cried hard. i literally was wailing. "Mikey!" he ran to me and took me to the bed. "No! no no no! no Gee, no! no please no!" i cried out, looking at his arm where the fresh wounds looked at me. "Shh, its ok babe, breathe, c'mon Mikey, just calm down." he was saying, fanning me and shushing me. i cried harder.

he was hurting because of me, i made him do this. i might as well have cut him myself. i was the blade.

"Im sorry! Im so sorry Gerard! I never meant to hurt you! i never meant to do this to you! i will die! i will die if it makes it better for you, i promise!" i said between the tears. "Mikey! Mikey, no! please, i need you! dont die Mikey, please dont Die!" he was crying hard now too. he threw the blade into the corner and held me close.

i could feel the blood soak into my shirt. in an act of desperation, i kissed him hard. my tongue forcing its way into his mouth. he was bewildered, but kissed me back. we lost our clothing and locked the door. just as he was about to enter me he stopped "No, Mikey i cant, i'll hurt you!" i pushed him down and crawled ontop of him and let him in. "Make love to me Gerard, Make love to me." i said and i started to rock my hips.

he moaned loud and gently grabbed my hip bones, making me go faster. he rolled us over and made love to me. when we were done, i was more than exausted, i lay in bed, holding his arm to my chest, panting. he didnt say anything, and i knew i was probably bruising right now, but i wanted him to know i loved him.

more than my own life i loved him.

he fell asleep before me, his face close to mine. i was feeling strange. my heart was racing, my sight was like i was looking thru tubes, the room was getting more and more quiet, my breathing was slowing down, and i was weaker than ever.

_This is it_, i thought, _im passing_.


	4. losing it

**A/N: i probably should have mentioned this sooner, but none of this is real, i made it all up, Mikey and Gerard have never been incestuous (i dont think...) and i dont own MCR, if i did then...Tehe! thats all im gonna say...**

Mikey's P.O.V

i stared to go numb. then i felt like i was flying, my body was letting my spirit go. i blinked and when i opened my eyes, i was staring at... me.

Gee was sleeping, his sweet breath on my face, and i was next to him. No i wasnt. my body was, but i was gone.

my body looked pale, i was bruised, too thin, too weak.

"Mhm, you were." i heard a voice behind me say. a familiar voice. i turned and saw her, Ganma Elena, she was sitting on the chair in the corner, smiling at me. "Its hard to see you here sweetie, your so young, so in love." "Yeah, i was." i looked back at Gee

"Are. your not done yet sweetie, im not going to take you." she said. i looked at her again, my eyebrows furrowed, "But... im already dead, i cant go back." "No, your not dead yet. well, in the technical sense, your very much dead, but this is just a pass for you." she said. then i heard Gee say "Mikey?"

i turned to see him stroking my face "M...Mikey? no... NO! MIKEY! MIKEY WAKE UP! HELP ME! SOMEONE HELP ME!" he threw on his boxers and ran out to look for a doctor or nurse anyone who could help. i turned back to my Grandmother and said "Why are you hurting him like that? if this is just a pass then let me leave! let me go back to him!"

"Michael, calm down. i am here to help." she said and handed me something. it was a little ball full of a glowing light. "When you shove that into your chest, you will go back, but you need to know. your stemcells are in a kind of campus, being held by someone your father knows well. he doesnt know that he has your stemcells, but you need to tell him. you will make it thru. and you need to tell your parents about you and Gerard. because i dont see this as a phase, you both are really in love with each other, and i hope to see you two together for a very long time." she said as i watched them take me away, Gerard was still screaming "WAKE UP! PLEASE WAKE UP! MIKEY WAKE UP, PLEASE!"

man, it was gonna be hard to explain why i was naked and bruising in certain areas.

"Go now sweetie, live long and cherish life. i will always be with you." she said and grabbed the ball of light form me and shoved it into my chest. i gasped cuz it hurt, then i fell into some kind of wormhole. then i felt like i was cramped, so i tried stretching out, when i felt myself buck.

then i realized i had to repossision my soul in my body, i needed to put my soul where it belongs just the right way, so i could come back to life.

i started to feel around, looking for all the right holes to put my arms and legs thru, all the while i could feel my body jerk around. i finally found where my head went and it fell still and i shoved my arms and legs where they belonged and then i felt crack down my spine as i locked into my body.

my eyes flew open and i sucked in a deep breath, my chest arching up as my heart restarted, my lungs taking in the much needed air. i couldnt really see, everything was too bright, but i could hear. i heard a nurse gasp, i heard the doctor say "What the..." i heard metal tinkle on the floor as someone dropped something, and lastly, but most importantly, i could hear my brother say "M-mikey?"

i slowly let the breath go, hearing it leave with a slow _whooshing_ sound, and my body slowly slumped back onto the table. my eyes were still wide, i felt cold.

then everyone started up again, the doctor shone a little light in my eyes to see if i was responding, the nurses put in a new IV, the whole deal, but i was only aware of the warm hand in mine, the hand of the man i loved in more ways than one.

My brother.

My Gerard.

he was right, i was going to get better, and i was going to live a long life with him. i blinked slowly, regaining control of my actions.

"Michael? why are you like this?" the doctor asked, gesturing to the fact that i was naked and had bruises on certain parts of my body. i hadnt gained control of my vocal cords yet, so i couldnt answer, but suddenly Gee spoke up "Because of me."

my eyes flicker over to him, he didnt met my eyes, but he continued "I... i had sex with him, i did that to him." "We are going to have to report this to the police." the doctor said, looking down at me horrified. "Its ok, i wont run, i wont deny anything." he said, squeezing my hand tighter. "Nuuu... nuuuu! no!" i said, squeezing back.

"Yes. im sorry, i love you Mikey." he said and kissed my forehead, only to be pushed back by the doctor.

"NO! NO NO NO NO NO!" it seemed that was the only word computing with my mind. "Get him out of here!" the doctor snapped and they tried to take Gee from me, but i had a death grip on his hand and sarted to scream "PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME GERARD! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU GERARD, DONT LEAVE! PLEASE! GERARD! DONT LEAVE ME DONT LEAVE ME DONT LEAVE ME!"

they froze, but the nurses were still holding him, so i started to swat them away and i screamed "LET HIM GO! NOW! LET HIM GO! DONT TAKE HIM FROM ME!"

Gee was crying and whispered "Its ok Mikey baby, this is for the best! so i cant hurt you anymore! so you can get better! its ok!"

"NO! GEE, PLEASE! PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, JUST NEVER LEAVE, STAY WITH ME, STAY!" i couldnt stop screaming, i was panicing, i didnt want them to take the only reason i had to live away from me,the only one who cared for me, the only one who loved me.

"I love you Mikey." he said as he pried my hand off and stepped away, giving me one last goodbye with his eyes, then following the nurses out.

i screamed the word 'No' for maybe a minute straight, without stopping, just one long, endless no.

i felt like my soul was ripping away, like he had taken part of it with him, leaving me incomplete. why couldnt i just stay dead? why did i have to live through this kind of pain? why couldnt they see we loved each other and just leave us alone?

then my mind slipped away, leaving me altogether.

i slipped into a catatonic state.


	5. Star Witness

Mikey's P.O.V

(one month later)

i had slipped back into reality about a week ago, apparently they had the hospital psychiatrist checking on me everyday. sometimes the police would come and see if they would get a statement, but i never said a word.

my mother would try to snap me out of it, but i only pay attention when she spoke of Gerard. he was in jail, he was having a super speedy trail, his court date was only a day from now, and all the odds were against him. he never sent me any messages, never told our mother to tell me anything, never tried to see me (i know he's in jail and all, but hell, he could make a fucking attempt.)

Ray, Frank, and Bob would visit, also trying to bring me back, but like with my mother, i only really payed attention when they spoke of Gerard, but like whith my mother, i never got a word from him personally.

i was so unbelievably depressed, i wouldnt eat, wouldnt talk, they had to increase my my fluids cuz i wouldnt even drink anything. i was nothing but a bag of bones. my eyes were huge, my face scary thin, my stomach naturally caved in, my wrist were maybe as thick as a sharpie. but i didnt care. i wanted this. i wanted death again.

i hadnt noticed Frank, Ray and Bob walk in, they were talking about something unimportant, so i didnt really listen. Finally, Frank exploded, screaming "No! i wont keep this stupid fucking secret anymore! he needs to know! its the only thing he will pay attention to, and he's slowly killing himself, he needs to fucking know!" "Frank, shut up, you swore!" Ray snapped, but Frank snapped back, saying "i swore as long as it was for the better!_ this_? this is not for the better!" he gestured to me when he said 'This' "I agree with him, Ray. I dont want Mikey to die with a broken heart." Bob added, sounding sencire.

before Ray had the chance to say "Fine." Frank turned to me and said "Gerard." my eyes flicked to him for a fraction of a second, before returning to the wall. "I know your listening Mikey, i may not be the smart one, but you know i pay attention, i can see it in your eyes that you know what im saying, especially when it comes to Gerard. i know your killing yourself on purpose, and i know you have a broken heart, which is why im telling you that Gerard loves you. more than you know." now my eyes trained on his face, he looked like he hadnt been sleeping.

"He's almost as depressed as you. only _he_ talks to us! he's writen you letters, he dreams about you, when he _sleeps_ that is, and he misses you so much. he just doesnt want you to know. he doesnt want you to miss him like he misses you, he thinks that if he completely breaks things off, you will get so mad that you will never talk to him again, keeping you from loving him. well, we all know that _thats_ not working! we are going to be his witnesses tomorrow, but from the looks of it, he's not coming back. so instead of hating him for enternity, just write him a letter, tell him whats really going thru your head, instead of making everyone believe you've lost your mind entirely, cuz honestly, thats not helpin his case, all of the police are saying that he's traumatized you for life, that you wont speak because your terrified of what he will do. Seriously Mikes, time to let everyone know that you snapped out of it."

a tear ran down my face, signalling that i understood everything. they all sat there for a minute, waiting for me to talk, so i just nodded and cried. Ray gave me a hug, letting me cry, but his relief was almost tangable. Bob simply nodded at me and Frank smiled and winked. almost as if on cue, two police men walked in, stopping for a second to stare at me wide eyed, then quickly asked the guys to leave.

they filed out and the two police men (who identified themselves and Officers Stan and Terence) and turned on a tape recorder, idenifying the date, then Stan spoke up first "How are you Michael?" "I-im fine, call me Mikey." "Do you know why we are here?" "Yes." "Is it ok for us to talk to you alone? or would you like your parents here?" "Im fine, you can go ahead."

"Ok Mikey, the doctors told us that Gerard confessed to raping you, do you agree?" "No! it wasnt rape!" "Mikey, its ok to tell us the truth, he cant hurt you now." "I am telling the truth, Gerard never hurt me, Ever." "We have mulitple pictures of the bruising you had after the ra-incident, would you like to see them?" i nodded and he pulled out some photos.

i was battered pretty bad, but it was only because i was detiriorating, not because he was being too rough. "He didnt hurt me! i swear!" i was crying now. "Mikey, your safe, he wont hurt you! we are gonna put him away for a long time, but we need your help!" "NO! GODDAMNIT, DONT YOU GET IT? I LOVE HIM!" i screamed ripping the photos to shredds. "Can you tell us when this started?" Terence finally broke in. "Maybe two days before i was diagnosed with Lucimia, it was all consenual, im of age and so is he!"

"Incest doesnt have an age limit Mikey, its always gonna be wrong." "is love wrong?" "_This_ kind of love is." "look, this is the truth, he never hurt me, and he never will. i know you guys think its wrong cuz he's my brother, but i love him with all my heart, in more ways than one, if anyone deserves to go to jail its me, cuz he didnt want to do have sex that night, i made him. and quite frankly i dont care what you all think, _this_ love is_ right_. im not scared of him, i _love_ him. end of story."

"Has he ever threatened you?" "No!" "Did he tell you not to tell anyone?" "No!" "Has he ever-" "What ever stupid questions you have, im sure the answer is no, he's the love of my life, and i dont care, im always going to love him." they sighed and turned to the tape recorder, saying "Testimony of Michael James Way, April 2," then they turned it off and thanked me for my time, then left.

Frank, Ray and Bob came back in, Bob was on the phone, and Frank looked excited and Ray was the first to speak, "We are hiring a defense lawyer, and we were wondering if you would be our star witness?" i nodded, smiling, feeling it pulling at my cheeks, my skin was so tight it was scary.

soon, there was a guy in my room, and from the looks of it, he was pricey, but the guys told me not to worry, cuz he was on it for free, (he owed Bob apparently, so this was it) "James Clair, nice to meet you Mikey, is it alright if i call you Mikey?" he said. i nodded. "So, are you willing to go up, in front of not only a dozen homophobes, but an entire city that calls this incident 'rape' and tell them the truth?" "Yes." have the police talked to you?" "Yes." "Good," he stood up and grabbed something forom behind me, it was a camera, i hadnt even noticed it was there.

"They put this here after you slipped into your little world, to see if you were faking it or not, so everythng you said was recorded. do you mind if i watch?" "Go ahead." he watched what i said and put the camera back after taking the memory out "Everything you said was perfect, they really cant use it in court unless they try to say he has you brainwashed, which at this point, they wont try it cuz all the odds are against him. but thats where you come in! should you tell everyone that it wasnt rape, and be mildly convincing, then they would have to let you both off with a slap on the wrist! and the fact that your practically dying would soften them up, who wouldnt listen to a dying boy's wish? all in all, this was probably the easiest favor i had to do for Bob, dont worry Mikey, i'll get you both out of this." he winked at me and left.

just as he was leaving, my mom walked in with an extremely fake smile.

before i let her speak i said "Mom, bring Dad in, i know where my stemcells are."


	6. New Sense

**A/N: wanna say sorry to who ever is reading this, this chapter is really really short but its kinda supposed to show his empowerment. once again, this never happened, its all in my head, and Gerard/Mikey way have NEVER been incestuous. thanx! **

she stood frozen, her mouth a gaping hole on her face, so i snapped "_Now!_" she turned and bolted from the room.

i was filled with a new sense of hope and determination, so i slowly and painfully swung my legs off the bed in an attempt to get up, but out of fucking nowhere, Frank was gently pushing me back down saying "no! _Hell_ no! your way to weak to walk, you need someone to put you in a wheelchair, or you could break a fucking leg and then you cant go tomorrow! do you wanna help Gee?" i nodded, so he said "Then be a good boy and stay in bed." i rolled my eyes at him but didnt try to get up.

Ray came in with a huge pulled pork sandwich and my mouth watered, my stomach ached for some kind of food, and almost ripped it away from him.

he looked at me, then at the sandwich, then at me, sandwich, me, sandwich, sighed and handed it over.

Dear God it was heavy! but that sure as hell didnt stop me from eating it.

after i finished the five pound sandwich, i felt like i was going to explode. i looked at my stomach, there was an awkward bump on the side where the food was. Ray and Frank were talking about tomorrow and i barely listened.

i was going to see Gee!

i would finally be able to prove that i loved him, that i wasnt going to let him go down for this, that i cared. i smiled a little, happy that i could actually help him as much as he helped me.

"Mikes? you there?" Ray asked, snapping me back.

"Hm? what?" i asked, looking at him. "I asked you if you wanna make a show tomorrow, like, ya know, 'im the sick kid, dont take my brother away during my last days!' kinda thing?" he was trying to say it off hand, but i could hear the pain in his voice "Ray... im not going to die, i know where they put my stemcells." i said softly.

they were quiet then Frank spoke up "you have three more days to get them, or else you _will_ die." my stomach twisted, and i was unsure if it was fear or just the normal sickness, but i puked all over the floor. the nurses cleaned it up and smiled pitifully at me.

Ray and Frank left, having lives to attend to, and i was alone for maybe five minutes.

within that precious time, i tried to imagine Gerard's face, how he would look when he saw me, how he would look once i tell the truth to everyone, when i helped him get free.

my daydreaming was so rudely interupted when my mother came rushing in, dragging my not so willing father. "Hunny! Mikey, sweety, tell him where they are!" she gasped out, obviously out of breath. i told him what Ganma Ellie told me, but i dont really think he listened, he was too busy staring at my body, tears coming into his eyes.

tears of rage.

"Dad, you need to get them, so we can help Gerard." "Did he?" he whispered. "What?" "Did he... do that? did he rape you?" he looked at me, his eyes fearful for my answer.

i stared back, and whispered "He would NEVER hurt me."

we stared at each other for a while, his eyes a mix of emotions. but suddenly, they eyes lit up "I know where they are." then left, flicking out his phone.

my mom was sitting at my feet, staring at me with a dead face. i looked away, not sure what to say, then she spoke up, "Thank you." "For what?"

"I know what your going to do tomorrow, and i want you to know that im grateful. whether he hurt you or not, i know you love him, and he loves you, this will work out, i promise." i looked at her, she was smiling, but for the first time in a while, it was genuine.

i smiled back and i knew she was right, this would work out, and everything will be fine. i drifted to sleep, tired from the days events, but i was happier than i had been in a while.

but the feeling was soon lost as i slipped into my worst nightmare.


	7. The Dream

_**to anyone still reading, im sorry for not posting in forever, lots has been going on, and i know this is short as hell, but i thought i would post something! once again, im really sorry, but thanks for sticking it thru!**_

Mikey's P.O.V

i was in the court room, and i had just told my side, when Gerard jumped up and said "Goddamnit Mikey! what do i have to do to get away from you? you were just a fuck! i just wanted to pop your little hetero cherry! for fucks sake, just deal with the fact that i dont want you, jeez, just die already!"

everyone laughed, even the judge.

"B-but.. you said you love me!" "Are you serious? your a bag of bones! i dont fucking want you! i would rather rot in jail than be with you one more time!"

more laughter.

"You dont mean that!" "Yes i fucking do! i swear i almost killed you again when you came back, its fucking rediculous! why do you always come back?"

"But the guys told me-" "We lied dude! c'mon! who would want you? your disgusting!" Frank yelled, laughing. i could feel tears coming, "Stop!" i begged, getting up and trying to run away, but my legs broke, and everyone just laughed and pointed.

i wanted escape so bad, but i was stuck here. then Darren came out of nowhere and wrapped an arm around Gerard, kissing him lightly, saying "Im glad this was just a faze, lets go home baby." then they left.

everyone just left me there, spitting on me on their way out..

ive never felt so helpless...

i woke up in a cold sweat, one of the nurses was there, changing the bag of fluids. "Are you alright hun?" she asked, sitting next to me.

"I-i... no." i started crying and she hugged me. "Wanna talk about it?" she asked concerned. and i was going to at first, but then i remembered the camera, and how i could everything at risk, so i just shook my head.

"Well, my name is Alicia, i will be here all day, you need to talk you call for me, ok?" i nodded. she gave me one last squeeze before leaving. God, that dream was horrible.

what made it even worse was that it could happen.

maybe it was true, maybe Gee didnt want me to save him, maybe he told so he could get away from me while i died, so i wouldnt annoy him anymore. maybe i really was just a quick fuck.

but i tried to keep hope and believe in the words that Gee told me, the only ones that mattered, that he loved me.

a knock at the door starttled me, it was only 4:13 in the morning. then my dad came in. "Hey Mickey." he said, using my nickname from my preschool days. "Hey dad." "just wanted to talk to you, get some stuff in before your big day tomorrow." "How do you-" "i just know ok? i dont really know how to start this talk, so-" "You can start by reaching behind me and getting the camera for me." he looked confused, but did as directed and was shocked to find the camera.

i took it and turned it off. "Go ahead." i said after removing the batteries. 'i wanted to tell you... i know how you feel." "What do you mean?" "i loved a guy too, but it was also a love you and Gerard have." "I dont understand." "I loved my brother too, in more than that way." i sat frozen in shock, Dad hardly ever talked about uncle Kenny, so i was full onto this story.

"we too did some things together, and i felt so happy, i loved him i really did, but..." "But what?" "he didnt feel the same. he was just bicurious, and wanted to know how it felt like. he never loved me back, he just said it to get me to do those things." "Why are you telling me this?" "Because i dont want you getting hurt too. i wont let it happen. i know you are in love with your brother, but im not sure how he feels. granted i havent gone to see him, but when i hear about him, i never hear him talking about you, or even thinking about you. its like he..." "Like he what?"

"Like he's glad he got away. and it kills me to say it that way, but Mikes, i dont want you doing something only to regret it in the end. maybe it would be better to leave things as is, let him get his punishment and then come back with a clear head and then discuss what he wants to do, because im sure he's gonna use any escuse to get out of there, trust me, jail doesnt do well with incest. dont say anything, just think about it ok? i love you, but i got to get home. try and rest." he said, kissing my forehead and leaving.

i sat in shock.

first the dream now this? was god trying to tell me something? was i doing the right thing.

most importantly, was it really worth the risk?


	8. Twisted Truths

_**to anyone still reading i am sooooo sorry! i didnt really know what to do next, but now i think i got it. i switched it to Gee's POV and the next chapter will be his too, but its kinda a taste of what he's been going thru, physically and mentally for the past month. its kinda short too, sorry, but... Enjoy!**_

Gerard's POV

i sat in my cell, listening to my cell mate snoring. he made me give him a blowjob a little bit ago, my lip was still bleeding from when i tried to resist.

i didnt want to saty here forever, i was already everyones bitch, but i couldnt, _wouldnt_ hurt Mikey anymore.

thinking about him made a few tears come out. God i missed him. i missed him so much. it was torture to be away from him, but after what i did, i just couldnt let myself do that ever again. i felt the hole in my chest ache when i thought about his pale, skeletal face. how he wouldnt wake up.

how i killed him.

i dont care what anyone says, i know the truth. its my fault he died in the first place. i was so selfish that i got my fuck from him, not caring how much it hurt him, not caring that he was probably too weak to beg me to stop, or worse, that he tried to pretend he enjoyed it just to let me get my way.

how could i do that? how could i hurt him that way? i was crying as silently as i could, i didnt want to wake the monster of a cellmate just yet, he would want a fuck and find only me and my "tight little ass" as they all like to say.

"Way!" the gaurd called, and i rushed to the door. i didnt want him talking too loud, it would wake everyone, and they would each take their turn with me.

i mean, i know i dont deserve anything less than what im getting, but i still didnt want it to happen.

he came over and unlocked the door, putting me in cuffs, was it time for my doomed trial already? "Visitor." was all he said as he led the way. i wasnt sure what time it was, but i knew it would be early, and the only one who would be up was my mom.

i walked into the room, but froze in shock when i saw who it really was.

it was my dad.

"Dad?" i asked, my shock ringing in my voice.

"Hello Gerard." he had a sick smile on his face.

"Whats going on? is... _He_... ok?" i asked, tears forming in my eyes, my throat constricting.

"Oh he's fine, better than fine. i just wanted to see your new home, thats all." i winced as he smiled wickedly again.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, after my little talk with your brother, who was going to go and fight for you today, i just cleared his head and made sure he realized that he wants you _here_, and no where near him."

"He was going to... what... what did you tell him?" i was getting upset. i knew i would never see the light of day again, but still, what crazy bullshit did he tell him?

"Oh, just some made up story about how my brother fucked me too, how he never loved me in the end, and how i wish i never saved him. i was pretty convincing, even made him cry."

"You did what? how could you do that? he doesnt even have the strength to hold down food! how could you do that?"

"Your a disgusting freak! You defiled your brother! Did you see the pictures of what you did?" before i could answer, he slapped down some photos of what i had down to Mikey, the bruising, the bit of blood, his bud oozing my semen.

"I-i-"

"He doesnt want you! You raped him you Faggot! He didnt talk for a month! a whole fucking Month! You killed him for Godssakes! He died because of you!"

"I didnt mean to!" i whimmpered, tears free falling.

"I hope you stay here for the rest of your life, i hope you _die_ here. your a fucking sinning fag, you make me sick."

"Im sorry!" i cried out, this was going to kill me, but he went on,

"He was confused and you used that to stick your dick up his ass! His _virgin_ ass! You took him and tried to make him a sinner too!"

"No! i would never-"

"Shut up! everything you say is a lie! i hope they kill you! you Freak! but dont worry, i know justice will be done today. I _disown_ you, and i _never _want to see your face again. you leave my son alone, or i will kill you." then he left.

i had pressed myself to the corner of the room, slid to the floor and cried.

he was right.

about everything, he was right.

i was a sinner, a faggot, a rapist, a murderer. i knew Mikey was confused about himself, about his sexuality, and he was right, i used that too.

i need to die, i need to die now. i cant believe what ive become. how much ive hurt the ones i love.

i can no longer call myself a Way, ive destroyed that.

he left the pictures on the table, and i looked at them. my stomach turned as i remembered that night.

im a monster.

and even after what i had done, Mikey was going to try and protect me. he was willing to come to my rescue.

i screamed.

pain rippled through my body as the hole in my chest envolped me completely, sending me into actual physical pain, worse than the one i was withstanding before.

i had to tell him how sorry i was. i had to tell him i loved him. he needed to know. he deserves to know. i at least owe him that.

i had only then realized that i was scratching my skin open, bleeding as my chewed nails tore the flesh, the guards came in and put me in a straight jacket, leaving me in a padded cell.

"Two hours till your trial, try and toughen up." they barked at me.

only two more hours till the end of my life.

just like my ex-father said, this is now my home.


	9. Shock

_**ok, so i know its super short, im sorry, but more will come, along with longer chapters... enjoy!**_

__Gerard's P.O.V

i was at the trial, feeling the eyes of hate on me, feeling the flames of hell beckoning me to come home.

i had no lawyer, no one wanted to represent me, not like it mattered, i was in jail for life.

the judge came in and we were told to sit. they began to call witnesses, the nurses who were their last night, the doctor, my ex-father, the police men who interviewed Mikey.

they all told the same story, i had tricked my brother into doing things, i deluded him with thoughts of love.

in some ways they were right, but i _did_ love him, with all my heart i loved him.

half way through the testomony of the police, a man came in, fashionably late. quite literally too, wearring a fine suit and lots of gold 'bling'

"Who are you?" the judge demanded. "I, your honor, am James Clair, representing Gerard Way in court and trial. may we have a 30 minute reccess?" everyone, including myself, wore a shocked expression.

i had a lawyer? **_now_**?

the judge looked amused, so he granted the short amount of time.

James pulled me out and got straight to the point "look, i dont know what happened, if it was rape or whatever, but i know this, Mikey is dying, and you need to be there for his last days. be honest, tell the truth, and dont let them trick you. i have my own witnesses lined up, dont ask who, this is all under my control. Dont worry Gerard, im going to get you home." somehow, 30 minutes had passed by then, and we went back in.

"So Mr. Clair, i suppose you have evidence that this was a... one time thing?"

"Well, no your honor, but i have witnesses to prove that this was, quite honestly, not rape. and that is why we are here." the judge looked disapproving, but went on listening.

"I have here the testimony of Michael James Way, the same day it was taken."

he put in a CD and it played back all the way to when Frank told Mikey everything, how i was, my torture, my feelings. i started to cry, he promised he wouldnt say anything! not like it mattered, i was never going to see him again.

once it was over (i didnt pay much attention, i was too busy grieving) he called me to the stand.

"So, Gerard, do you remember what happened that night?"

"Yes."

"can you share with us what happened?"

"M-mikey was sad, he said he was going to die. i freaked out, i couldnt stand it, so i cut myself, and he walked in... he started crying, begging me to stop hurting myself... i held him, and he kissed me... things got heavy... but i told him i couldnt. i didnt want to hurt him... but i ended up doing it anyway... i killed him... i didnt mean to! i dont know why i did it! i tried to stop! i swear!"

"Gerard, are you aware of exactly how Michael died?"

"it was me!"

"He died of dehydration and starvation. not because of anything you did."

my head snapped up, looking at him, searching for some form of a lie, but he was looking straight back, he was telling the truth.

"so... so it wasnt my fault?" i barely whispered.

"No Gerard, it wasnt. now, can you tell me how long its been since you and your brother started doing these things?"

"about three months ago." he continued to question me for a while, then i was able to go back to my seat.

my mind was racing.

i didnt kill him...

i didnt kill him!

more tears made their way down my face and i didnt even try to wipe them away.

"Next to the stand is Frank Iero." once again, shock. i told them not to do this!

Frank walked up to the box and sat, answered all the questions to the best of his knowledge and even said "ive known Gerard all my life, the last thing he would do is hurt, lie, trick, or _rape_ Mikey."

next was Ray, then Bob, who hated the court system so much im surprised he didnt sneak in a bomb, but was willing to do anything to save me.

once he was done, i knew that they had tried their best, but it wouldnt be enough.

"One last Witness, Your Honor. i call forward, Michael James Way."

everything inside me turned to ice, every thought i might of had froze, my breathing was on a permenant pause, my heart seemed to be the only thing going, and it was too fast to call healthy.

they opened the doors.

there he was.

_he's here..._


	10. Chances

**_ok, to be fair i know this is extremely short, but i hope you guys enjoy, and its in both Gee's and Mikey's POV__. hope you like the end of this chapter, it made me feel a little better writing it! and thanks for the AWESUM reviews guys, makes my day everyday! enjoy!_**

Gerard's POV

he's here, he's here!

a million emotions were flying through me, joy, anger, sorrow, dispair, happiness, saddness, confusion, shock, more anger.

the anger was not directed to him, it was to me. then it settled at the pit of my stomach,

he was doing worse.

he was in a wheelchair, a bag of white fluids attached. he was so skinny, his eyes bulging, his cheekbones threatening to pop out of his skin, his every bone was visible. his hair was thinner, but of course Mikey would take the time to straighten it.

i wanted to run to him, to tell him i was so sorry for leaving him, that i would never hurt him again, to tell him i love him.

he looked so scared!

this was probably his first time out of the hospital, why did i do this to him?

his eyes caught mine, oh how i missed those eyes, you could read everything he was thinking behind them, and the moment he saw me, they shone with love.

a love i didnt deserve.

a smile broke out on his beautiful face. the kind of smile that told me "its ok, im here."

i could feel myself start to stand to run to him, but my lawyer and the police kept me firmly down. i smiled back, trying to tell him "i know, i love you." the nurse who was pushing him looked at me too, but instead of disgust, she smiled warmly.

i hadnt noticed warm tears falling down my cold cheeks, i didnt care either. he was in place now, they were going to question him.

"So, Michael, how are you feeling?"

"Determined i guess."

my heart lept at his voice, it was stronger than he looked, oh how i missed the sound of his voice! i savored the feeling in my ears, my heart, my soul.

i didnt deserve him protecting me, but i was glad i could at least see him one last time.

Mikeys POV

there he was,

GeeBear, my Gerard.

he looked at me and i could tell a zillion things were going through him right then. he caught my eyes and he looked breathless,

that made two of us,

and i smiled, he smiled back, and i knew this would work out. Alicia wheeled me into place and they started the questioning

"So, Michael, how are you feeling?"

"Determined i guess." i made sure my voice sounded strong. i wanted everyone to know i was here by choice.

"Do you remember the night of the incident?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell us what happened?"

so i did.

"Michael... was this rape?"

"No, absolutely not."

"So you feel safe around your brother?"

"Of course!"

"Can you think of any reason why your brother should be held accountable for rape?"

"No."

"Michael... i have to appologize. i havent been fair..." James said and i froze in fear.

"W-what do you mean?"

"there is a Mistrial."

"Escuse me?" the judge roared

"Yes sir, there is, because you have been having personal contact with a jury member, strictly forbiden by law, you have no choice, Your Honor."

"thats nonsense!"

"i have proof, E-mails between you and jurer number 8, securing the vote. _Also_ forbidden by law. of course, we may take this to your superiors, if you wish." James was on a roll.

everyone was talking all at once, a hum was surounding everything. but the judge ordered silence.

"As much as it pains me to do so, i declare a mistrial. Gerard, you are free to go."


	11. runrunbunny

**_ok so sue me, i didnt know how to continue, but i think i got it now, lol, hope everyone enjoys, more is on its way soon! _**

Gee's POV

wha-what? did i hear him right? _mistrial_? _free to go_? they helped me up and they took the cuffs off.

No.

Yes?

i looked at my wrist, looking at the red indents where they had been placed for the longest time.

was this real? i cant believe im free! then the courtroom exploded, people were yelling, sending me very verbal death threats, my father leading in that case, others were demanding to know what had happened, while others were trying to get the inside scoop on the judge.

"Gerard! Gerard, over here!" i heard the voice of my angel call, and i turned to find Mikey struggling to push himself over to me. Ray, Frank, Bob and my mom all rushed over to him and pushed him closer to me.

i took two steps closer before i froze.

i killed him before, i could kill him again. i raped him. i twisted his mind into what i wanted. i hurt him so much.

everyone got quiet, watching as he stoped in front of me and struggled to his feet. when he stood, he looked proud of himself, and smiled big at me. i couldnt hurt him anymore. i promised i wouldnt hurt him anymore. i couldnt do this. i turned and ran out the door, everyone gasping as i rushed passed them.

i turned to see Mikey had collapsed to his knees, his face crumpled with pain. better him feel pain than feel nothing at all. i kept running, not caring who i bumped into. i had to keep going, i couldnt hurt Mikey, i couldnt kill him again.

"Gerard!" it was Ray. my speed faltered, but i pushed harder. "Gerard wait!" i couldnt just leave Ray back there, he kept all of my secrets, so i slowed to a stop and turned. he was on my heels, but before i could say anything, his fist made contact with my mouth.

i felt skin rip, and blood quickly ran down my chin. "You piece of SHIT!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, before i could recover, he punched me again, my cheek, once again skin ripped. "HE SAVED YOUR ASS! HE PULLED HIMSELF OUT OF HIS DEATH BED TO HELP YOU, HE STAYED TRUE TO HIS WORD, AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU RUN FROM HIM, LIKE HE WAS YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE! HE DID THIS FOR YOU, HE LOVES YOU AND YOU. FUCKING. RAN!" he screamed, his eyes filled with rage, never a good thing for sweet compassionate Ray Toro.

i opened my mouth to speak, but he punched me again and said "dont you spin your lies on me Gerard. dont you fucking dare. dont ever speak to us again. any of us. not Frank, not Bob, not me and especially Mikey. i thought you loved him, now i know he was just a fuck. go to hell Gerard Way." he stalked off, leaving me bleeding and broken.

i couldnt believe that just happened. he was right, i just destroyed Mikey when i swore never to hurt him again. he just saved me and i tossed him like a candy wrapper. i needed to tell him how sorry i was, how i much i loved him.

i started back to the court house and made it just in time to see them putting Mikey in the car.

"Mikey!" i called and he squeezed his eyes closed, shaking his head and holding back sobs. "Mike-" another fist came in contact, this time in my stomach.

"Stay the fuck away from him Gerard. do you fuckin hear me?" Frank hissed him my ear when i doubled over. he walked back, him and Ray holding a stance between me and the car.

i watched as Bob drove him away with the nurse in the back, rubbing Mikey's shoulder soothingly.

Ray and Frank walked away, spitting in my direction.

"good job Faggot, i thought i was gonna have to work super hard now, but you did the job for me. i guess this hell is better than the first!" my ex father sneered. how do i fix this, when im not even allowed to see him?

Fuck.

i fucked up big time.

Mikey's P.O.V

it was like my dream.

it was just like it, only worse. he was free, i thouht thats what he wanted, to be free, so i helped him. and he ran off, like i was the plague.

dad was right.

he didnt love me, he used me and i let him.

everyone stood shocked as he sprinted to the doors, a look of horror on his face.

i could feel it, i was losing it again, i was going to lose my mind. im slipping.

i felt a small crunch, the world was spinning, what was this?

pain, i felt pain. everywhere there was pain.

why did he run from me? what did i do? didnt i do the right thing? didnt i tell the truth?

i did, but he didnt. he didnt love me like i loved him.

he... he used me.

hands. hands pulling me up, had i fallen?

who? who was calling my name? why cant i hear them right? were they pulling me up?

im moving, talking, looks, pity.

Gerard?

Gerard where are you?

why did you leave Gerard?

what did i do?

car, theres a car have to get in, but why? are we going to find Gerard?

no, hospital, they say i have to go back to the hospital.

there!

i heard it! hes calling me!

no.

no its gone, hes not here.

he ran away from me, he doesnt love me.

of course not, why would he?

dont cry Mikey, dont let the tears fall, no more tears, you have the truth Mikey, no more tears, no cry. ok mikey?

ok mikey.

driving, we are going back.

and im going back alone.

no more Gerard. Gerard isnt here.

Goodbye Gerard.

i love you.


	12. Bad Voices

_**ok, trying something different and using Ray and Frank for P.O.V's too, anyway, thanks for the reveiws guys, much love from the middle of the end of the world! :D**_

Frank P.O.V

Mikey has lost it.

completely lost it. hes acting like a child. no literally, his mind slipping him back to 6 years old, so he could be happy and wouldnt feel the pain of losing Gerard like that.

fuck, how did shit get so real so fast?

"Frankie? Frankie! FRAAAANKIEE! WHERE ARE YOU! I WANNA PLAY! FRANKIE!" i could hear him yelling from his room and they guys shushing him and promising my safe return.

jesus. this wasnt getting any better i think he got worse. every day, hour and minute that passes he slips more and more into this state. theres times where i wonder if the real Mikey can hear us. you know, the Mikey that is 16? his eyes will flash with hurt and embarresment and understanding. understanding that the love of his life is not coming back. sometimes we feel bad for that, for chasing him away, but after what he did, everytime i see Mikey acting like a kid, we know we did the right thing.

i wiped my tears and walked back into the room. he was hooked to an IV, he had a cathider, he was pale and small, his hair was coming back though. he had been treated and was getting better, and fast, he was eating again, which is a big thing for a six year old.

he saw my eyes were wet and got teary eyed himself, asking "are you ok Frankie? did you fall down? you can play with my T Rex if you wanna! dont be sad Frankie, its ok! here, lets play!" he had a small childish lisp to his speech, the one he had when he was little. he handed me his stuffed T Rex, grabbing his long neck so we could play. i looked at the damn toy.

how could this have happened. hes worried about me?! couldnt he tell he was much older than six fucking years old? how about us? couldnt he see were werent little? more tears ran down my face. my best friend has lost his fucking mind because of his piece of shit brother.

"Frank, would you like to help me make lunch?" Alicia asked. she was one of his nurses who stayed in contact with him, shes here everyday. i nodded and handed the shit toy to Ray, who was ready to cry himself. when did this start happening? all of us in tears, Mikey in his state of insanity, heart ache all around.

i hated this.

i hated seeing this.

i walked out with Alicia and she hugged me close. i hugged her back. "Maybe we should find him, see if he can bring him back?" she asked for the millionth time. "no. no i wont let him get worse."

"well what if it makes him better?"

"Alicia, im not sure if you saw him in there, but i fucking doubt seeing the one guy who just ripped his fucking heart and mind out is gonna make shit better!" i growled. she pulled away looking serious as she said "Frank, keeping him away isnt helping, earlier he woke up from a nightmare, begging for him not to leave again, he even ran to his room saying he would let him sleep in there! face it, either bring him back and he completely loses it, or keep him away and he completely loses it! theres no way to know until we know!"

"its his fault this happened!"

"its all of your faults Frank! not just Gerard's!"

"is he home yet Lici?" a little voice asked and we both turned to find Mikey, clutching his IV pole in one hand and his doll named Kobra Kid in the other.

he looked...hopeful. eyes big, begging for a yes, small smile, blush in his wax like cheeks, it broke my heart.

i had to find him, i had to at least try and fix him. he couldnt take much more. neither can we, so i smiled and "he's coming home soon Mikey Mouse. i promise" he giggled and hugged Kobra Kid closer and said "Thank you Frankie! when he gets home we can watch batman again! mama said its ok!" he leaned over and pecked my cheek before rushing back to his room to share the news.

i was so... numb.

i didnt know if this was going to hurt or heal him and i was taking a stupid chance, but it was a chance none the less. i felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Alicia with a small smile "dont worry frank. it needs to be done."

"Then lets get the guys and go when we put him down for a nap."

Mikey's P.O.V

Gerard was coming home! i cant wait to play with him!

_no no Mikey, dont hope, hoping is bad, remember? _

the bad voice said in my head. i huffed and cuddled KKid closer, i didnt want to listen to the bad voice anymore. he always was sad and didnt want to be happy for GeeGee.

_Gerard hurt you Mikey, he hurt you alot. no hoping ok? _

i wished the bad voice would go away, he made me feel like crying.

_No no Mikey, no crying, you promised not to cry, you can let them make you cry_.

"but you make me cry bad voice" i mummbled into my pillow.

_no Mikey, Gerard made you cry, he hurt you, and he will do it again, dont trust him again. you dont wanna get hurt do you? _

"Gee didnt hurt me." i mummbled louder, he was making me mad.

_yes he did, he said he loves you and he lied. thats why he's gone. dont let him do it again Mikey! _

"Stop it! GeeGee loves me!" i yelled

_HE DOESNT LOVE YOU MICHAEL, HE LEFT YOU, HE BROKE YOU, HE RAPED YOU. AND NOW HE'S GONE HE DOESNT LOVE YOU! _

"NO NO NO NO NO!" i was kicking and screaming and i knocked off my pretty glass picture of Grandma Ellie. i peeked over the bed and looked at the mess.

oh no! Ray Ray is gonna be so mad at me!

i tried to get up, but the thing in my peepee made me fall and the glass cut me on my hands and wrist. i sucked in a big breath cuz it hurt and i picked up Grandma's picture, a big piece of glass fell off the picture and i grabbed it so it wouldnt break anymore.

"Mikey, you ok?" i looked up to see Ray, he said he was gonna get Gerard while i sleep!

oh no im in big trouble! i started to cry and he saw the mess i made

"Mikey! why did you do that?!" he rushed over and took the glass from me. "I'm s-sorry RayRay! i didnt m-mean to!" he picked me up and told me i was ok but i didnt believe him, he was so mad he was crying.

"RayRay? does this mean Gerard wont come home?"

Ray's P.O.V

i finally set Mikey back to sleep and called up the guys. "Watsup?" Bob answered after one ring, "Guys, Mikey... hes... where are you? he just..." my voice was thick with tears "Ray, whats wrong? what happened?" "i-i think... i think Mikey just tried to kill himself..."


	13. No Fight Back

Ray's P.O.V

I was crying so hard i almost couldnt breathe.

our little Mikey just tried to end his life, and he was only six!

well mentally anyway.

he begged me to let Gerard come home and begged for me not to be mad.

but i was

not at Mikey, god no, but at how sick and twisted this world was.

why Mikey? he was like a little brother to all of us, but hes pushed us through the hardest of things, and held our hands when we wanted to fall and hes show us over and over that life will go on. and now we cant even put him back together, we cant hold him as he is breaking, and we cant catch him as he freefalls down into the dark abyss of reality.

these were all of our worse thoughts, our worst fears have been realized, we cant help the one who has held us together.

i wished the guys would hurry home, i cant take this pain. and what made it worse was that Mikey lived with it everyday.

he always asked for Gerard, he always drew him pictures of the day so he knew what he missed out on, he always prayed for him, even when he knew Gerard didnt pray, he wished god will let him be ok and come home to him.

but where is Gerard for him?

what is he doing for Mikey?

is he here while he cries from nightmares? does he hold his hand when its time to change his cathider and he screams 'it hurts my peepee'? does he read him to sleep when he wants to nap? cut up his food so he can eat better? is he here to see how he has destroyed him? is he here to take it back?

im mad. im so fucking mad.

he ran from this, after all Mikey has given up. he fucking left him in a room full of people who wanted to devour him alive. throwing questions, demanding answers, people tried to grab him, spit at him, hit him, and all the while he just looked at the door, whispering "he's coming back,he's coming back"

we waited until the crowd was extremely violent before we pulled him to his feet and took him home. we didnt notice the change until he woke up from treatment and started talking.

doctors have checked him out, psychiatrist, therapist, they are convinced an institution will help him, but we refuse to put him through that.

his mother is going through a bitter divorce while dealing with the city of hate and work and taking care of Mikey.

Gerard ruined everything.

he destroyed us all.

all because he wanted to fuck his brother before anyone else did.

i knew one thing for sure; next time i saw Gerard, i was going to make him suffer for every bit of pain he caused Mikey, and i was going to make sure he felt it all.

Frank's P.O.V

bob was hysterical, we all were.

Mikey just tried to kill himself while we all thought he was sleeping!

we were running back as fast as we could, but being on the other side of town with no car doesnt help our situation.

i was in the lead, pushing my legs as hard as they could go, bob was close, while Alicia struggled to keep up. "Wait! please a break, my lungs!" she panted, and i almost didnt hear her, but i was on hyper alert, and i remembered Alicia was born with small lungs, she couldnt do much running.

we slowed to a stop and bob paced back and forth while she caught her breath.

"Alicia come ON!" Bob roared in his terrifying voice. she was trying to respond but still couldnt breathe.

he growled in frustration, and i shoved him to signal my annoyance. she shoved me back and i fell into an alleyway, i jumped up but stepped on something, i jumped back, thinking it was a rat, but no, it was a person.

the hair was long and brownish black, the clothes were torn and stained and in desperate need of washing, the skin was so pale it was almost blueish looking, marked with bruises and cuts and burns, they had no shoes, and their palms were red and near raw.

they looked up hesitantly, almost afraid of me, and i looked into familiar hazel eyes surounded by a boney face that almost looked like he was dying. the eyes flickered with recondition, he knew me too.

"Gerard?" he struggled to get up, his arms shaking to support the weight, his few muscles trembling under the skin as he tried to get in a sitting position.

we all three sat there and watch him try three times before he gave up and fell to the floor, tears running out of his moisture deprived eyes.

"Gerard?" i asked again, there was no way this was him.

Gerard wouldnt become homeless, he wouldnt starve himself, he wouldnt... he would try to fight. he was a fighter, he would do anything to trudge on. hell, he would even settle to prostitution if he had to!

but this?

watching as the light that once made his eyes beautiful made a complete abstance, watching his used muscles tremble to fight the cold, seeing his bones and veins.

he looked like he wanted to die, and he was making sure he felt every bit of pain as he went.

"h-h-h-h-h-h-he's-s-s-s o-o-okay-y-y?" he breathed, he sounded like be had broken his voice box or something.

he sounded ready to die.

i took off my hoodie and wrapped it around his nonexsistant frame. he was shaking so hard i could hear his teeth shattering.

"Come on, lets get you home." i whispered and tried to help him up, but he struggled to pull away

"i-i-i-i-i c-c-c-can-n-t-t." he cried softly, his eyes looked almost brown with the draining of happiness.

but then i remembered Mikey and how he needed us, so i took him by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes "Gerard, your brother is not ok, he needs you, and yes, i still fucking hate you, and yes, i dont want your near him. but right now, keeping you two apart is doing us no good and i dont care if you want to die or if you want to rot and suffer, because trust me, i want that too, but for Mikey's sake, im taking you home even if i have to drag you by the hair for the next twenty miles, i. will. do it. capiche?"

fear flickered in his eyes again, fear of facing even more truth, but he nodded and fought to get up. i turned to bob "Where is the goddamned car?"


	14. Hiding, Cleaning, Hating, What More?

_**hey guys! sorry i kinda left you all like wtf in all my stories! Fin991, no he didnt steal the car, but it explains some in this! i posted as much as i could without making it confusing! thanks for keeping this story rolling, i just posted more on The Things We Did, but im stuck on SOL, any help would be great! thanks guys, wuv you all! CillaBear Xo**_

**Mikey's P.O.V**

i was dreaming, i knew i was because i shouldnt be doing these things with GeeGee. he shouldnt be touching me like this, i shouldnt be liking it, i know its wrong cuz hes my big brother, but it felt so good.

he was rubbing his peepee on mine, rubbing them together. he was whispering on my lips, asking me if it felt good. i made a weird noise and whispered yes.

my peepee was tight and hard against his, i could feel it dripping some weird stuff, but it made me squeak with a good feeling. i wanted more. i could feel it getting harder, he was rubbing them harder together.

the was something poking my hole, i pushed against it harder till it went inside. i screamed out cuz it felt really good, even better than before. he kissed my lips and it went deeper in me, moving in and out, going different ways till it poked something that made me twitch and cry out his name.

he made a weird noise and it kept hitting that spot. there was a weird feeling in my balls and my peepee.

it was fire, i wanted to let something out, and it felt like something was coming, something really good.

i wanted more, i wanted alot more of this.

it was really good, really really good. i begged him for more and he kissed me harder. i was so close... it was coming... i could feel it...

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" the loud yell woke me up, then there was a loud bang. i looked down at my peepee, they took out the thingie and it was sticking straight up. i could still feel the good feeling, and i wanted more. i wondered if it would feel good if i did what he did... i wrapped my hand around it and rubbed, i made that funny noise cuz it felt so good.

i rubbed harder and whimpered. i was so close... next thing i knew, my hand was a blur and tight around my private. its was coming, its coming its coming its coming! the heat exploded out of me, and something warm and wet covered my hand. i looked down and saw it was white, but i didnt know what it was.

_you just came Mikey, you had an orgasm._

i didnt understand "whats an orgasm?" i whispered to bad voice

_its what happens when someone makes you feel real good, it comes out of your cock, and it means you just reached a point where you couldnt feel better. _

"Whats a cock?"

_its your penis Mikey, your peepee. when it gets hard like that, it means it wants to be touched. dont let anyone see you, but more of that stuff will come out if you touch it._

"Why was GeeGee touching my penis bad voice?"

_because Gerard was your lover. _

"whats a lover? do they love you?"

_a lover is someone you have sex with, they are supposed to love you. _

"sex?"

_you know when that thing was in your butt, Gerard would put his penis in there and make it feel real good. thats sex. sex is when two people love each other and show each other their private parts. they play with them and touch them and make them feel good. _

"how do you know all this bad voice? do you have a lover?"

_i know all this because ive done it. im you Mikey. im a part of you that went away for a little while, so i can start over. _"

why did you go away? are you hiding?"

_yes, im hiding Mikey. im hiding because Gerard broke our heart, and i cant live with it, i need you to babysit my spot for a bit, can you do that Mikey? _

"so, your not really bad voice? you are me?"

_yes, thats right Mikey._

"ok then. i will tell GeeGee you went to hide for a bit. when he gets home i will tell him everything."

_ok Mikey. tell him he shouldnt try and find me, tell him im going to come out when i think me and him are ready, can you do that for me Mikey? _

"yes bad voice."

**Ray P.O.V**

i wasnt sure if i felt better or worse after i punched Gerard to the ground. after all, he looked like he was struggling to walk. but he deserved it!

he didnt move and Frank sighed, flipping him over. jesus, was that thing Gerard? he was... dead looking. he looked like a prostitute who got kicked out of the business. "Christ Ray! did you kill him?" Bob demanded.

"No, he just knocked him out cold. man, he fucking stinks. im gonna shower his while hes out, he him looking semi normal for Mikey, someone make him some soup yeah?" Frank asked as he started dragging him out of the room.

i couldnt hold back the anger as i blurted out "What the fuck is this? a five star hotel? leave the shit here, he can do it himself!"

"Raymond! this is his home, and quite frankly, this is not about how we feel, it is about Michael. now please help me make some soup. Bob, can you check on Mikey please? i thought i heard him stirring in his sleep." Alicia scolded.

Bob went to check on Mikey and Frank continued to drag Gerard out of the room and towards the bathroom.

fuck my life.

hes back and i cant even push him down the stairs.

**Frank's P.O.V**

jesus, what did they do him? rub their shit in his hair? god he smelled so bad. i ripped the rest of his clothes off and slipped him into the warm water, instantly it started turning brown. i was gonna have to cut his hair too.

the more i scrubbed, the more bruises and cuts showed. cigarette burns, bores, knife wounds, it looks like they just had a ball tearing him apart. i didnt want to know, but i had to check if he was raped. oh god...

ew ew ew ew ew!

i spread his legs apart and checked him, he looked fine. thank god no one raped him. i know he deserved the beatings, but no guy deserves rape. i drained the muddy water and washed him again. i cut his hair and dyed it. i cleaned his nails. i cleaned his ears. i shaved his hardcore stubble thing going on. i tweased his unibrow. i caked him in cocoabutter.

i felt like i was bathing a sleeping child. he never stirred, never whimpered, just layed there and let me do all the work.

asshat.

by the time i was done, he looked like one of those tim burton cartoons, the creepy ones. i tugged some of his clothes on and slipped on his house shoes. god, im such a fuckin perfectionist. i lay him on his bed and tucked him in, turning and finally leaving him alone.

i walked up the stairs and smelled the amazing food cooking in the kitchen. i know its not manly at all, but Toro can freakin cook. i could hear Bob and Mikey in the living room playing super heros while Toro and Alicia sang a song. i could hear the tapping of a computer, where Donna must be calculating.

i poked my head in and saw Mikey ranting about batman while Bob listened intently and even asked questions. i passed the kitchen to see Ray and Alicia doing a duet with a wooden spoon, grinning and looking like a highschool couple.

i realized that even with all the pain and anger and saddness, we have all created a little family, and we all made it work.

i went to check on mom. thats what we all called her now. i found her on the computer in the back room, looking like she hadnt slept in years. i knocked and walked in, she looked up and smiled "oh, its just you Frankie, how are you dear?"

"Im fine mom, how are you?"

"Oh, just a bit tired dear. i just have so much to do! pay bills, make calls, clean out... Gerard's... old room. so much to fuss about!" she always struggled when saying his name.

thats when i realized she didnt know he was home.

"uh, mom, i need to tell you something." she instantly looked terrified, all the color drained from her face, her eyes teared up, her jaw tensed, like she was waiting to hear the knews of her sons death.

we all had been expecting it.

"Franklin... did they... did they find his... where... where did they find his body? was it... is he... just-"

"mom! mama, calm down. no they didnt find him dead. we... we went out and found him, he came home." she blinked in shock.

i waited for the yelling, and fainting, the crying. instead she blinked again and sighed "Franklin, darling, im feeling a bit tired, will you help me to my bed?" i jumped up and offered my hand.

she stood with care and i led her to her room. i stopped outside the door. she turned to me and she sighed again, patting my cheek "your a good boy Franklin. you all are, and Alicia is an amazing girl. oh Franklin..." she squeezed my cheek and went into her room, shutting the door.

im so fuckin smooth. i should have broke it to her in another way.

way to go Iero.

**Gerard's P.O.V**

everything hurt. of course it did. it should. im a waste of a human life. i shouldnt be here. i shouldnt be alive. god, what smelled so good? like cocoabutter... i missed my fuckin cocoabutter lotion. i wish i was... home... wait, why did my face hurt so much? did someone kick me again? no, it was just my jaw. right where ray- oh my god!

my eyes shot open and i looked around. my room? i looked at myself, i was clean! like, really fuckin clean. i think i was fucking glowing. my nails were clean, my hair smelled amazing, my ears were clear, i touch my chin, no stubble, who cleaned me and brought me home? i tried getting up, but my muscles were too weak, i fell and groaned.

jesus i was a fucking waste.

someone came in and i looked up. "F-frankie-e?" even my vocal cords were screwed. he sighed and picked me up, putting me back on the bed. "look, we are gonna give you the run down, cuz you have missed out on alot and things are not the same. but, lets get you some food and all that fuckin happy jazz and get you good to go."

i wanted to refuse, but i remembered his threat last time and knowing him, he would punch me too. he left for a second and came back with a hot bowl of soup. dear god, when was the last time i ate? i tried to reach for it, but my arms just twitched and laid limp by my sides.

Frank fed me in silence as i ate every drop, my stomach growled for more, but he set the bowl aside and got serious "ok, i will get you more in a second, but here is the deal. Mikey... isnt well." he paused long enough for me to come up with hundreds of posibilities; is he still in the hospital? did he refuse treatment? was he doing drugs? cutting? drinking alcohol? were they beating him? did he slip back into silence? was he having night terrors? was he- "Mikey's mind... shut down. not like before, he... his mind is protecting its self by going back to good times, before everything got hard, before... before he grew up. in his mind, he is still six years old. he doesnt remember the passed 10 years at all."

so he didnt remember _us_? he doesnt remember our love? our need for each other? im still... just Gerard?

"hes still really fragile. hes still really skinny, he doesnt have much hair, but its getting there. the reason we went out to find you is... Mikey has lost his mind. and we are hoping that you can bring it back. he's not getting better, and... if he doesnt soon... hes going to go away for a very long time. its a long shot, but its a shot." he turned to wipe the stray tear off of his face and grabbed my bowl, muttering something about 'getting more' as he left.

dear god, ive destroyed him. my poor Mikey. i started to sob. why did i ever leave him? why did i ever think i could just go and he would get better? now, he doesnt even remember how much i loved him. i was fucking 8 years old to him! my imagination never had this reunion as a possibility. i always hoped we would meet again by mistake, like a store or show or even a cafe, where we could catch up and i could explain to him why i ran, and he could tell me it was for the best and maybe how he even moved on. but this?

"Gerard! shut the fuck up!" i finally realized Frank was back, holding another bowl, glaring down at my misery like he wanted to fling the steaming soup into my face. i quieted down, not wanting to get hurt, but not wanting to stop.

this did not please him

"why are you crying? huh? you didnt fucking cry when you RAN THE FUCK AWAY! YOU HAVENT BEEN HERE TO SEE HIM SLIP MORE AND MORE INTO INSANITY! YOU HAVENT EVEN STOPPED BY TO SHOW THAT SOMEWHERE IN YOUR PATHETIC HEART YOU CARE! ITS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU ISNT IT GERARD? HOW MUCH YOU HURT, HOW MUCH YOU'VE LOST, HOW MUCH YOUR HEART IS BREAKING, DO YOU CARE FOR ANYONE BUT YOURSELF? DID YOU EVER CARE FOR MIKEY, OR WAS HE JUST ANOTHER PART OF 'YOUR' FUCKED UP LIFE? YOUR SUCH A SELFISH PIECE OF SHIT, IM HERE TRYING TO TELL YOU HOW HE'S BEEN AND I BET YOUR CRYING ABOUT HOW THIS IS EFFECTING YOU! JESUS, YOUR SUCH A FUCK UP!" he screamed and threw the bowl against the wall, watching it shatter before he slammed the door of my room shut and stormed upstairs.

i couldnt even cry, my tears were frozen in fear and shock.

of course i cared for Mikey, he was my life!

but he was right about everything.

i am so selfish...


End file.
